There’s an idea that gets passed around a lot, especially in personal growth spaces.

That before you can move forward…you have to be fully healed.

That you need to process everything. Understand everything. Make peace with everything. Close every emotional loop before you’re allowed to begin again.

And while that sounds responsible…even wise…it can keep people stuck for a very very long time. Here’s the inconvenient truth about life, it doesn’t always give you the luxury of healing first and then moving forward.

In fact, it rarely does. Sometimes, you have to do both at the same time.

At the big Obama age of 44, I got divorced.

And I’m going to keep it real. Even though I knew it was the best decision for both of us, I was devastated that my marriage ended. I went into with forever in mind and practice.

I didn’t neglect my husband or mistreat him. I also didn’t dishonor our vows. One day he simply decided he wanted out, and I said, “Ok.”

I would love to tell you that I had the time and space to fully process it during the eight months we were separated, but the truth is, for seven of those months, I was helping my mom fight cancer.

So healing was not some slow, intentional, uninterrupted process. It was fragmented and pushed to the side, forced to show up in pieces when it could.

And then, in April 2024, everything became very real.

I packed up my bags and moved to Mexico. Three days later, we were virtually sitting across from each other in front of a judge, dissolving our marriage.

And just like that…it was over.

And here’s what I learned very quickly.

Moving on is messy.

There is no map. There is no clear path. There is no moment where everything clicks and you suddenly feel ready. There are only the steps you choose to take, even when you still feel broken.

So, I spent the next year rebuilding my life while healing at the same time.

Crying. Screaming. Journaling. Meditating. Walking, oh was there a lot of walking. Lifting. Growing. Praying. Being in community.

Doing the work of healing…

While also doing the work of living.

And for most that’s where this idea starts to fall apart. Because if I’d waited to feel fully healed before I started rebuilding my life, I would still be waiting (like some of you 🫣).

Look, there are parts of your life that genuinely deserve your attention. There are things worth sitting with, emotions worth feeling, patterns worth actually understanding. You don't just skip over all of that and pretend it isn't there.

But here’s the thing: that doesn’t mean your entire life has to be on pause while you figure it out.

Some days you feel completely grounded, and then other days something small, something almost nothing, pulls you right back to a place you were sure you’d already worked through. That’s just how it goes. That’s normal.

What isn’t necessary, though, is putting everything on hold while you wait for the process to be done.

You’re allowed to make new decisions while you are still carrying pieces of the old ones. You’re allowed to create new experiences while parts of you are still grieving.

You’re allowed to build something better while you are still in the middle of becoming.

Because rebuilding your life isn’t something that happens after healing; it’s the environment where healing actually takes place.

It's in the new choices you make. The boundaries you finally hold. The moments where you show up differently than you would have a year ago, or even a month ago.

That’s where things begin to shift. Not in isolation, waiting for permission to move forward, but in motion, while you're living it.

The clarity you’re seeking likely won’t come from sitting still and trying to think your way through everything.

It comes from doing something different. From having a conversation you would have avoided before. From saying no in a moment where you would have said yes just to keep the peace. From choosing yourself without feeling like you have to over-explain or justify why.

These moments might seem small, but they really aren’t. They’re evidence. They show you, in real time, what it actually feels like to move differently. And no, not in your journal entry, but in your actual life.

Because understanding a pattern and interrupting one are two completely different things.

And that interruption doesn’t always feel natural at first. Sometimes it feels uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Other times it even feels wrong, simply because it’s new.

But that’s part of it.

You’re not just gaining awareness, you’re creating capacity. Capacity to hold yourself in new ways, to respond differently, and to choose something that actually works with who you’re becoming rather than just who you’ve been.

This is the kind of growth that only happens through lived experience. You can’t think your way through it. You can only live your way into it.

Spoiler Alert: You can be someone who is still healing and someone who is building something better at the exact same time. Those two things aren’t in conflict, even if it feels that way some days.

You can have moments where old emotions come up, where grief catches you off guard, where you question yourself or feel completely unsure, and still move forward.

You’ll still have to make decisions to create a life that actually reflects what you want now.

I know this because I’ve lived it.

By the time my year in Mexico came to an end, I’d lost over 80lbs, was no longer in debt, and had genuinely fallen back in love with my life again.

And even then I wasn’t perfectly healed. In fact, I’m still not. I just keep choosing to rebuild while still in the middle of it.

I remember getting to a place last Fall where I genuinely felt open again. There was no flashing sign; it just kind of crept on me. One day while staring out at the skyline from my building’s rooftop terrace, I heard a voice say, “You’re ready.”

And now, 5 months later, I’m in a loving relationship. I’m doing work that I genuinely love. And I get to be here, in this space, with all of you.

This didn’t happen because I waited. It happened because I moved. Because I allowed myself to be both things at once, someone who is still healing and still living…at the same damn time.

And you can do the same.

Take a moment and notice where you’ve been putting your life on hold.

That moment where have you been telling yourself “I’ll do that once I’ve worked through this,” or “I’ll start when I feel more ready.”

Pick one area where you can move anyway.

And then move.

And because I know how powerful accountability is, share below in the comments your one thing.

You don’t have to have everything figured out to make a different choice. And you don’t need to wait for a version of yourself that has no doubts, no fears, and no unfinished pieces.

Likely because that version doesn’t exist.

You can start from exactly where you are. And trust that as you build, you will also heal. I’m living proof of that.

Because everything that exists in my life today didn’t come from waiting until I was ready. It came from deciding to move anyway.

So, if you take nothing else from this, take this: You do not have to be healed to rebuild.

You just have to be willing to begin.

If you’d love support in creating the next chapter of your life here’s how I can help:

I open a small number of private sessions each month for women who are ready for a reset. If you’ve been holding everything together on the outside but know something isn’t working anymore, this is a space to slow down and get honest about what’s really going on. We’ll talk through what you’re carrying, what you’re ready to let go of, and what your next step could look like. Complete the survey and then schedule your time for the call.

— Donteacia 💛