Last week, I was talking to my sister during one of my morning walks when she seriously suggested that I bring back River City Romance.

If you weren't around for that era of my life, River City Romance was a dating blog I started back in 2008. And somehow, this little blog about my dating life became a thing.

At its height, it was getting somewhere around 20,000 hits a month, which was a really big deal at the time. It also brought in around $1200/mo through affiliate links for dating sites. And since I was working part time and going to school full time, the extra money came in handy.

Money aside, my sister thought it would be hilarious, and likely entertaining as hell if I started writing about my dating life again.

And not for a single minute did I consider it.

I am not the woman I was 18 years ago. Even though I wrote it under a pen name, I don't want to share my life that way anymore. There are parts of my life that I enjoy keeping for myself and sharing with my friends over coffee or mimosa flights. And while I'm sure there would be some entertaining stories to tell, River City Romance is staying exactly where it belongs.

In 2008. Saved in the archives of an old wordpress site.

But that conversation did bring something else back to the forefront: the writer in me. I used to write all the time. I wrote poetry about love lost, humble beginnings, joyful experiences, painful endings and hopeful futures. I wrote short stories, essays and yes, that blog. Even after I stopped writing about my dating life, I kept writing. I eventually wrote for The Huffington Post and other publications.

There was one particular article that I stumbled onto last week that made my heart swell. It made me pause and say damn girl, you used to do your big one with the keys. That’s probably because writing wasn't content to me back then. I just loved it.

And somewhere over the last few weeks, I've found myself wondering when something I loved so much became something I had to put on a content calendar. Which has me thinking about something much bigger than writing.

How much of ourselves do we slowly lose while we're busy becoming who we think we're supposed to be?

For most of us, we didn’t wake up one morning and consciously decide to abandon what we loved most. Instead we believe we were doing the right thing by making reasonable choices. We listened to our parents and as we got older considered our partners.

We took that good job that looked nothing like joy to provide a stable future for our children. WE are the responsible ones who listen to the experts and pay attention to what people our age are “supposed” to be doing.

A long time ago we learned what success looks like and overtime we adjusted ourselves to obtain it and accommodate the people we love.

And this all sounds perfectly sane and responsible. Right?

Until eventually you end up with a life full of things you technically chose, but you can't remember why you wanted them.

I think one of the gifts of getting older is realizing that you don't have to keep every version of yourself you've ever been.

But you also don't have to throw her all away.

There are parts of who I was at 28 that absolutely needed to stay at 28. There are decisions I wouldn't make again. And things I only believed because I didn't know any better. There were ways I moved through the world that simply don't fit the woman I am now.

And if we’re keeping it a buck, I’m not sure how I didn’t end up on back of someone’s milk carton, because I was stupid in my 20s and certainly living dangerously…hell, we all were.

But then there are other parts of her that I didn't intentionally leave behind. They just got buried underneath everything that came next. Like her whimsical nature and spirited belief in the beauty of life.

Do I still believe that life is beautiful, absolutely. But I’m also keenly aware of just how ugly it can get.

And maybe you've experienced that too.

Maybe there was something you used to love that you haven't thought about in years. Like the way you used to spend your time before the day demanded more of you than you care to give. Or there was something you were curious about that you never saw through because life’s responsibilities pulled you in another direction.

Or perhaps it was a dream that never became anything and a part of your personality that slowly got quieter as you became a spouse, a parent, a leader, a caregiver, a professional….or simply a grown adult with shit to do.

You didn't decide to stop being that person. Life just stopped making room for it.

That's what this little trip down memory lane has made me think about. Not who I used to be. But what was genuinely me before I started accumulating all of the roles, responsibilities, expectations and ideas about who I was supposed to become.

Listen, I don't want my old life back. Not even a little bit. She was a H-O-T mess on a cold day.

But I'm starting to wonder if there are pieces of myself I left there that are worth going back for. And maybe that's part of what coming home to yourself looks like.

It’s not about starting over or reinventing yourself.

It’s recognizing something that has always belonged to you and deciding to make room for it again.

Of course, the irony of all of this is that I thought I'd already done this. Because if I really think about it, I’ve spent the last few years questioning just about everything about my life.

I've let things go. I've started over. I’ve moved abroad. I’ve come come back home. I’ve spent my mornings watching the sunrise on the sandy beaches of the Caribbean Sea and I’ve watched that same sunrise from bed in my downtown Orlando condo.

I've gotten clear about what I want and what I don't. I built an entire business around helping women come back to themselves. Surely I should have this figured out by now.

Well, apparently not.

Because over the last several months, I've found myself stripping away things again. And these things weren’t necessarily bad. Some of them were actually working. And for the right person, they were right choice.

They just weren't working for me. And there's a difference.

I've had to look at how I want to work. How I want to create. How I want to spend my days. What I want this business to require from me. What I actually enjoy doing versus what I've convinced myself I should be doing because it's the smart thing, the strategic thing, or simply the way everybody else does it.

And once again, I've been reminded how easy it is to lose your own voice in a room full of people telling you what makes sense.

Even when you've done this work before. Even when you know yourself. Even when you teach other people how to do it.

In fact, I had a milestone moment happen in the last week that I haven’t said out loud to anyone yet. My OG payment processor crossed $4M in sales sometime last month. I’m not sure what made me click on lifetime (2018-present), but there it was…astounding, truly.

And it was in that moment, I said to myself, “You know what you’re doing. You’ve done this. You just have to learn to trust yourself again.”

The next day I ended the agreement with the marketing agency. I stripped back my business and my life one more time to reflect what feels good in my body and my soul.

I ended relationships that just can not go with me on this new journey. People that I’ve admired and trusted.

Because I’ve got this. I know how to do this. Just like you do.

Listen, there is no final version of you who becomes completely immune to expectation. You change. Your circumstances change. What you want changes.

So every once in a while, you have to look at the life you've built and ask yourself:

Is this still mine? Do I still want this? Would I choose this again today?

Sometimes the answer is yes. And sometimes the answer is absolutely thee f*ck not.

But both answers are useful. Because being true to yourself isn't about getting your life exactly right and never questioning it again.

It's about knowing your own voice well enough to notice when you can no longer hear it.

…and then returning home.

This week, look at one area of your life and ask yourself:

Would I choose this again today?

And if the answer is no, ask yourself one more question:

What would I choose now?

You may have noticed that things look a little different around here.

That's intentional too.

The Reset no longer lives on Substack. It now has a home of its own on my website, which gives me a little more freedom to make this space feel like mine over time.

If you want to read past issues, click Read Online at the top of this email. That will take you to the post on the site, where you'll also find the weekly notes archive (yep, I’ve given these Sunday misadventures a name).

I have a feeling this space may continue to change a little as I find my way back to writing for the sake of writing, with a little teaching and a lot of love sprinkled in. Which feels pretty fitting after everything I just told you.

So no, Avis (my sister), River City Romance is not coming back.

That woman had her time, and I'm grateful she wrote as much of her life down as she did. Reading her words all these years later reminded me of parts of myself I'd forgotten. It also reminded me of the children’s book series I wrote a few years ago that still sits unpublished.

And as beautiful and as bold as she was, I don't want to be her again. I want to be this version of me, with a few of the things she knew how to do before life got so damn complicated.

Writing because I love to write might be one of them. And maybe that's what to thine own self be true means to me now.

It’s not about going backward or about trying to become who I used to be.

Instead, it’s getting quiet enough and sitting still long enough, every once in a while, to make sure I can still hear my own voice underneath everybody else's.

And in this case, while the old blog isn't coming back.

The writer might be.

— Donteacia 💛

P.S. I’ve also started back up with my Youtube videos. I’m posting a video every other day this month to get back into the creative flow, and nothing does that better than more reps. So go on over and show your girl some love as I rebuild the momentum I lost over the summer.

P.P.S. Thank you all for being here on this Reset journey with me. I hope you’re getting as much out of this as I am.